I’ve been here before. Standing at the end of the sidewalk of another year, thinking how fast time vanishes and how little I have to show for it.
In work and volunteering, I’m very driven toward excellence. I don’t always achieve it, but in the process I give much of myself (energy, time). The sum of that effort has often left me falling short on more personal goals and pursuits. At the end of long days and weeks, it’s quite easy to deserve relaxation and forgo all other priorities.
Understanding the balance of discipline and creativity.
I’ve seen the fruit discipline bears this year more than any other, namely in the pursuit of health. Think Kit, too, has had a hand in this realization that’s been in the making for the last six months. Looking back on this and the last 30 posts, not all are created equal. While there are a few I’d gladly scratch from the blog, more powerful that that: I can write and create daily.
Discipline. Why have I resisted you so thoroughly for so long?
I’ve prized chaos, surprise, even random luck. I’ve frowned at a life too scheduled, convincing myself structure equals rigidity, fearing discipline would snuff out any chance for surprise and delight.
I’ve declared I could never get “facing of the page” to work for me. I’ve long given myself the excuse in the form of rally cry, Let us all be enjoyers of things!
I admit it with some shame: I believed with such fervent folly that one day I’d just wake up and create something miraculous. When I read the words of wisdom from writers and artists of yore about their discipline, I always thought, Bah! I don’t believe in that. I can’t sit down to write or draw or make things when I don’t have an idea, without that initial spark of inspiration.
It’s taken a lot of life changes and the wisdom granted with another passing year to get here. Most of us are not gripped by madness at 3 a.m. one random morning, and continue working day and night for three weeks straight to publish the great American novel with barely an edit. This is the more rare thing.
Creativity might be fed from some unknown forces, yes. It sometimes springs forth, all mysterious, dark and seductive. Once it appears in this way, it’s easy to be deceived, to believe it will just appear again and again, and good work will follow.
But no. It’s the ones who get up early, or reserve the hours before bed, who find a way to commit time and keep focus who look back on their year and feel satisfaction in their body of work.
Feeding creativity isn’t as tricky as I credited. It isn’t so dark or secret, it’s there for the taking by any who care to make space for it. It’s the flexing, just like a muscle. The commitment to doing and making, even when that creative spark seems elusive. It will come. It will come, I realize now, if I am there to meet it.
I know I’m joining a chorus of many others who have come to understand this. With one foot in 2012, and the other stepping toward 2013, I’m glad to welcome this strange new fellow, discipline. Let’s see what I can do with you.
This post is part of Think Kit by SmallBox
Today’s prompt: “What are you looking forward to the most about the next 365 days?”